In My Free Black Woman Era*

Seeking self-actualization through the 3 freedoms

The first month in my new apartment, I dove into Jenn M. Jackson’s, Black Women Taught Us: An Intimate History of Black Feminism. In it, Jackson provides in-depth historical explanations of women who shaped Black feminism and feminist’s practices. I was super surprised to read the first chapter, which was focused on an enslaved woman named Harriet Jacobs and how she attained freedom.

Harriet Jacobs

Jacobs was born into US slavery in the 1800s. To free herself, she hid on the plantation, in the roof of her grandmother’s house for seven years! Did y’all fully read that? Harriet Jacobs hid in plain sight in a space so small she couldn’t stand up…for seven years.¹ The question is this: was Harriet Jacobs free during those years in the crawl space? Jackson says, “yes,” and reminds the reader (and her students who first posed the question) that there is a difference between “being free from and being free to.”² The idea of being free from and being free to is derived from varied philosophies. But for these purposes, I’ll draw on Jackson’s book and Arno Ilgner’s The Rock Warrior’s Way. These works are the most appropriate to explain where I currently am in my journey and where I’m headed.

Freedom From

Ilgner explains freedom from as freedom from external constraints.³ Harriet Jacobs’ enslavement is a perfect example. She was confined to a plantation and lived under the thumb of her enslavers. To be liberated, Jacobs had to seek freedom from an oppressive system. Hiding in the roof was step one. In modern times, we continue to be a part of oppressive systems; however, many of us are not physically subjugated. For the most part, we are free to move about. Therefore, contemporary ideas of oppression are sometimes based on external constraints that are mental chains, chains that restrict what we think we can do.⁴ Today, oppression is largely psychological. Sometimes, it is self-inflicted. We create a prison and call it home.

Well, that’s what I had done anyway.

For decades, my husband and I had co-created a marriage that worked like a tandem bike. We were always together; our activities danced like synchronized swimmers: Monday through Friday, we ate dinner precisely at seven o’clock and then watched two episodes of Family Feud. Friday evenings, we watched a movie and alternated who chose the title. Saturdays, we ate out and took turns choosing a restaurant. Sundays, we brunched and grocery shopped. Though some, like my husband, may appreciate this level of structure and togetherness, I resented it. It felt restrictive. When Instacart became a thing, I asked him if we could order groceries and do something else on Sunday.

“What else would we do?” he asked.

My goal is not to vilify my husband or our marital routines, but rather, to show how over time, small things served as links that formed a mental chain of oppression. For those who want to free themselves, this is the first stage of freedom from: recognizing where you feel what Jackson calls “unfreedom.”⁵

Next, Ilgner and Jackson agree that to become free, it is critical to shed an oppressive structure. Jacobs fled to a crawl space, I to an apartment.

Freedom To

Ilgner says that freedom to emerges after we’ve achieved freedom from society’s values and begin to create our own.⁶ Meaning, we must investigate our belief systems apart from societal conditioning. In my case, I continue to scrutinize the following: relationships, women, men, love, marriage, and commitment. This level of analysis has been a necessary component to redefine my life.

Jackson adds that freedom to “requires that we have the mental and emotional wherewithal to envision transformative changes to our existing conditions.”⁷ If we are seeking freedom to something, like Jacobs, then we must be able to visualize it, in part or as a whole. Like other people who were enslaved, Jacobs eventually followed the North Star toward a freedom she had dreamed of.⁸ Those of us who want to be liberated from our oppressive lives or systems must do the same. We must find our north star. We must visualize the road ahead. What type of freedom are we seeking? What future can we imagine? Who or what is included?

To reach the level of liberation I am pursuing, I constantly ask myself, what tf do you want, girl? Creative visualization techniques have helped. I have a handwritten list of overarching events I intend to experience in this lifetime. I’m also aware of the literal emotions I want to feel every day. These two acts ensure that self-definition drives my freedom.

Freedom as a Way Toward Self-Actualization

Jackson acknowledges that while some may be content simply leaving an oppressive situation, “being free to make decisions on one’s own behalf and in the name of developing one’s own life outcomes is wholly different.”⁹ For example, I could have left my home and been content with new surroundings, but I sensed this was not the end. Freedom had just begun. And for many reasons, I am only partially liberated. I created a new way of life in real time. Knowing I could live apart from my husband was just the first phase. Similarly, Ilgner describes a third freedom called freedom to be,¹⁰ which can lead to self-actualization. He says it’s where the chains of society are cast off¹¹ and our authentic being can reveal itself.¹² We can achieve this level of freedom when we are functioning from a pure place, knowing who we are and doing what makes sense for ourselves, not in an egoistic way, but with awakened consciousness.

For me, this sounds divine. I’m excited about the possibilities, and I’m looking forward as I head toward Ilgner’s description of freedom to be. It is empowering to know that the only person responsible for my liberation is me; independence, whether from or to is mine to create.

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*free-Black woman era is a term a friend has coined to describe this new phase of my life

1. Gates, Henry Louis. The Slave's Narrative. Oxford University Press, 1985. Harvard, 341-513.

2. Jackson, Jenn M. Black Women Taught Us: An Intimate History of Black Feminism. Random House, 2024. Harvard, 9.

3. Ilgner, Arno. “Three Types of Freedom.” The Warrior’s Way (blog). July 27, 2014. https://warriorsway.com/three-types-of-freedom/#:~:text=There%20are%20three%20types%20of,we%20were%20meant%20to%20be.

4. Ibid.

5. Jackson, Jenn M. Black Women Taught Us: An Intimate History of Black Feminism. Random House, 2024. Harvard, 9.

6. Ilgner, Arno. “Three Types of Freedom.” The Warrior’s Way (blog). July 27, 2014. https://warriorsway.com/three-types-of-freedom/#:~:text=There%20are%20three%20types%20of,we%20were%20meant%20to%20be.

7. Jackson, Jenn M. Black Women Taught Us: An Intimate History of Black Feminism. Random House, 2024. Harvard, 9.

8. Gates, Henry Louis. The Slave's Narrative. Oxford University Press, 1985. Harvard, 341-513.

9. Jackson, Jenn M. Black Women Taught Us: An Intimate History of Black Feminism. Random House, 2024. Harvard, 9.

10. Ilgner, Arno. “Three Types of Freedom.” The Warrior’s Way (blog). July 27, 2014. https://warriorsway.com/three-types-of-freedom/#:~:text=There%20are%20three%20types%20of,we%20were%20meant%20to%20be.

11. Ibid.

12. Ibid.